This site is meant for anyone who has been having fantasies or obsessions about spanking but don't know what, if anything, to ever do about it. It is also meant as a resource for friends of spankos, so that they may better understand what their friend or partner is going through and what they may do about it.
Spanking is something that some people in the world are involuntarily obsessed with. This obsession doesn't make a person weird or unhealthy, nor does it mean they are seeking unsafe outlets for an underlying psychological condition. Spanking, when practiced correctly in a willing and consensual environment, is a rewarding activity that has brought a lot of fulfillment to those who are wired to want and/or need it.
On the left are the navigation links to the different areas of this site. "The Basics" is the longest section and covers such concepts as the different roles a spanko can have in a spanking relationship, responsibilities of a spanker and spankee, different types of spanking, and also spanking positions and implements. "F.A.Q.s" will cover the questions that people who are new to spanking as a "thing" can often ask. The "Glossary" section will define words you're likely to see used by other spankos which are not intuitively defined.
Since the age of people who visit this site won't be determined, this site intentionally omits any pictures, videos, explicit descriptions of adult content as well as any external links to any site which might contain those things.
This site will NOT discuss anything related to children in any way. I'd say "look elsewhere", but I don't want you doing that either. If you're looking for spanking content related to kids, go sit in a corner and feel ashamed of yourself; it's a much better use of your time.
Basic Stuff To Know
The "Roles", "Responsibilities", "Types of Spankings", "Spanking Positions", and "Implements" sections can be collapsed by clicking on their respective headers.
What is spanking?
Spanking is an act which uses pain, applied exclusively to the recipient's bottom, as a tool for producing an intended effect. That effect can either be remorse over unwanted behavior, release of unwanted emotions, mutual enjoyment, or any other number of things which will be discussed below.
An important thing to always keep in mind is that spanking is a tool, not a solution. It cannot be applied as a cure-all for what ails a relationship or a person's behavior. The atmosphere of the spanking, the trust between the spanker and spankee, the rationale behind the spanking - all of these things collectively result in the effectiveness of a spanking. Do not use it as a solution; treat it as a tool that must be used in conjunction with other tools.
What is a spanko?
A spanko is anyone who is fascinated by the act (or even mention) of spanking. This fascination can extend to related activities such as lecturing, corner time, stern looks, etc. Spankos can sometimes clarify their interest by identifying as a "spanko purist" and/or "hard-wired spanko" (see the glossary for definition of those terms).
Caveat: Remember that a person can claim any one of these roles whether or not they have any knowledge of or experience with it. Finding and engaging a spanking partner of any kind always carries risk with it, whether injurious risk (physical and/or emotional) or anticlimactic risk (you didn't get what you wanted). Be responsible in selecting one.
DisciplinarianThis is a person who disciplines you when you break rules and also (optionally) helps you set said rules.
MentorThis is a person who helps you set rules and (optionally) disciplines you for breaking them.
TopA (usually) generic title for anyone who is a spanker.
bottomA (usually) generic title for anyone who is a spankee.
bratSomeone who enjoys misbehaving (either playfully or realistically) before and/or during a spanking.
charge / mentee / wardThese terms have many definitions, but they usually refer to a person who is in some sort of dynamic with a Mentor.
SwitchSomeone who is willing to be either a spanker or spankee, depending on the partner.
Play PartnerA generic term for someone with whom you have a (usually) ongoing spanking relationship.
TeacherSomeone who is willing and able to help you see and understand spanking-related ideas and practices based on the perspective of their own experiences.
Safety CallSomeone who remains available to you (usually via phone) while you're meeting up with a spanking partner you haven't fully gotten to know, yet. This person is responsible for helping you or getting you help if you end up in any danger, and therefore needs to know who you're with, where you are, roughly how long you're expected to remain out of contact before the worrying begins, etc.
In addition to performing your own responsibilities, it is advisable that you also take appropriate measures to ensure that your partner is fulfilling theirs.
As a spanko, you have two, basic responsibilities: your safety and your fulfillment.For your safety:
- Make sure you are pursuing spanking for healthy reasons.
- Know your limits and limitations.
- Explicitly communicate those limits and limitations, where applicable, to your partner.
- Effectively safeguard those limits and limitations.
- Know what it is that you get out of spanking.
- Find trustworthy people who are willing to engage your interest.
- Explicitly communicate your needs and desires to your partner.
Healthy ReasonsWhatever your reason(s) for spanking, make sure that it is with the consent and for the benefit of everyone directly involved. So long as those things are remembered, most spankings are going to be healthy. However, there are some times when spanking should never be used. They are, in no particular order:
- as an outlet for abusive desires / behaviors / memories
- as a substitute or replacement for addiction (self-mutilation, drug abuse, etc)
- to 'treat' any condition (anorexia nervosa, bulimia, etc)
- in lieu of necessary maturing (adults need to adult; make sure spankings aren't the only thing keeping a person adulting).
Limits and Limitations
"Limits" are what you're unwilling to do. "Limitations" are what you're unable to do. Recognize the difference. Sometimes you may be willing to do something your body or emotions cannot handle. Sometimes, you may be convinced to do something you're unwilling to do by being told you are technically capable of it. Don't do either.
It's important to remember that a limit and/or limitation does not need to be persistent in order to be valid. For example: while the majority of your limits and limitations are likely going to be more or less permanent, an hour-long objection to punitive spankings is no less valid than a life-long aversion to the use of a particular implement. Even if a limit apparently only applies to a particular day, hour, or even moment, it still needs to be treated exactly the same as any other. It's also important to remember that you may have different limits and limitations based on the context of who's spanking you, what's being used, or even what kind of spanking it's meant to be. Don't be surprised if you can take an hour-long beating with a cane when it's for fun but also can't handle more than a few strokes if it's for punishment. There are no rules for how (internally) accepting or resistant you should be to any part of this.
Whether your limits and limitations are physical or psychological, you must communicate those which are applicable to your partner before they can become an issue. While it can be difficult to be that vulnerable in revealing those to someone, this is why it's important: If you do not clearly and explicitly communicate a limit or limitation to a partner, you are claiming all responsibility (and simultaneously absolving your partner from any responsibility) for any damage done to you as a result of that limit or limitation being crossed. Even if you find that to be an acceptable risk, you also must remember that any damage to you will be putting your well-intentioned partner through a very bad time as a result of any hurt being caused. If you have any personal limit or limitation which might be put at risk during any portion of a scene, your partner needs to be informed of it and you will also need to re-acquire their consent to playing with you before a scene may begin.
Remember that, along with keeping yourself safe, you also have responsibilities with keeping your interests fulfilled. You and only you are responsible (every time) for your partner knowing when you might want or need there to be a spanking. You and only you are responsible for telling your partner when a spanking has gone beyond what you can bear. While you might be blessed with a partner who's particularly adept at detecting these things, especially after being with you a while, these responsibilities never shift from you over to them, nor should they ever be expected to. Pay attention to yourself; make sure your partner knows what's going on inside your head.
Safeguarding your limits and limitations
If someone wants to convince you that your limits or limitations are invalid, go ahead and hear them out, if you want. It's healthy to periodically get external perspective and experience applied to your journey. If someone tries to overrule or override your stated limits and limitations, however, fight them on it. Tooth and nail, if you have to. Even if they are technically correct, the fact that you still believe that it's a limit or limitation means your brain and body won't be receptive to the act, and it can only result in a negative experience for you.
Things that are NOT your responsibility
- Prioritizing your partner's needs over your own. While it is important to remain sensitive to the physical and emotional needs of your partner, they do not have greater importance than your own.
- Unconditional authority / obedience. The rules you've established need to be malleable to extenuating circumstance, as do the consequences for violating them.
- Unconditionally going along with a spanking. No matter what the reason for the spanking may be, you should NOT engage a spanking you don't feel able to give / take.
- Ensuring that your partner is being honest and forthcoming with their communication. While it is essential to listen to what your partner communicates to you, it is your partner's responsibility, not yours, to ensure that what they are thinking and what they are saying is the same thing.
Responsibilities specific to the spankerYou will generally be expected to provide direction for the spanking. Many of these things can change throughout the spanking. Your decisions can include, but are not limited to:
- The lead-up to the spanking (lecturing, corner time, etc)
- How much clothing (if any) covers the bottom
- The position the spankee will be in
- Which implements to use
- The firmness at which to spank
- The pacing of the spanking
- The duration of the spanking
- The conclusion of the spanking (corner time, after care, etc)
Responsibilities specific to the spankeeYou'll generally be expected to be more-or-less accepting of the spanking. You'll also need to make sure your body and mind recover from a spanking, if necessary, before entering other situations which require either. Specifics include, but are not limited to:
- Unless you have reason to use your safeword, be accepting enough of the spanking to not demonstrate actual refusal. Don't send mixed messages.
- If you have a safeword and need to use it, use it. No excuses.
- Keep yourself hydrated and fed. Spanking soaks up a lot of energy and water.
- Keep your skin healthy. Lotion and vitamin E are good. Skin can quickly dry up from spankings, leading to unwanted blistering and / or breakage.
Types of Spanking
Note: Remember that every spanking must be a cooperative (and complementary) effort if it's going to be both healthy and constructive. Both of you have to be in the right mindset for the kind of spanking you want to give.
Note 2: This is not a complete list, nor is there any existing consensus on the validity or definition of these terms.
ArbitraryA spanking given for no particular purpose, often as a result of at least one spanking partner simply being in the mood for a spanking.
DisciplineNot to be confused with Punishment, "discipline" comes from the Latin word disciplina which means 'instruction'. A disciplinary spanking is meant to provide instruction for future behavior, as opposed to providing a consequence for past behavior.
PunishmentNot to be confused with Discipline, "punishment" comes from the Latin word punire which means 'penalty'. A punishment spanking is meant to provide a consequence for past behavior, as opposed to instruction for future behavior.
DemonstrativeA spanking given in the presence of at least one observer, usually for instructional purposes.
IntroductoryA spanking given to introduce the spanker and/or spankee to each other's methods.
EroticSpanking given before or during (or sometimes instead of) sex for the purpose of eliciting sexual arousal.
MandatoryA spanking that is going to be given regardless of the spankee's behavior.
Bedtime SpankingsA spanking given before bed each night.
Wake-up SpankingsA spanking given at the beginning of the day.
MaintenanceA spanking which is given, usually at regularly scheduled intervals, to ensure that behavior is kept at a desirable level.
MotivationalA spanking given to prompt the spankee to put more effort into completing a desired task.
PlayfulA spanking given in a light-hearted atmosphere with light-hearted intentions.
PreventiveA spanking given with the intention of preventing an unwanted attitude, behavior, or action before it can take place.
CalmingNot to be confused with Therapeutic, a calming spanking seeks to return an overly-emotional person's emotional state back to baseline.
TherapeuticAlso known as "stress relief", and not to be confused with Calming, a therapeutic spanking seeks to help someone release emotions that are being unhealthily built up.
RewardA (usually more gentle) spanking given to serve as positive re-enforcement for a desired behavior.
RhetoricalA spanking used to win or help win an argument. Unless both partners enjoy this kind of spanking, it is usually unethical and probably abusive.
RomanticA spanking given to produce and/or intensify romantic feelings between spanker and spankee.
Special OccasionA spanking given, usually in celebration, for a special event. Birthday spankings are an example of these.
Unique / Colloquial
BlissiplineA portmanteau of "bliss" and "discipline".
FunishmentA portmanteau of "fun" and "punishment".
- It's ideal that the spankee's bottom be elevated or pushed out in some way so that the spanker has a better target and is less likely to accidentally strike somewhere else.
- It's important that the only discomfort the spankee experience be on their bottom. It's good practice to make sure the spankee is in all other ways comfortable. Some things to remember:
- The spankee will almost always be facing away from the spanker, making them potentially less audible to the spanker. Make sure there isn't anything about the position which wholly inhibits the spankee's ability to communicate with the spanker.
- Some positions may involve the placement of the spankee's head. Make sure the spankee always has sufficient airflow for respiration.
- If the spankee's head is kept very much below the rest of their body, headaches or light-headedness can form over extended periods of time.
- Don't overly exert or fatigue the spankee. Make sure to take breaks (either from the spanking or the position) if they are in positions that are difficult for them to maintain.
- Make sure that the tip of whatever implement is being used comfortably reaches the far side of the spankee's bottom. This will help ensure proper aiming.
- The choice of how long an implement can be for a spanking should be determined by how close or far away the spankee's bottom is from the spanker. The less distance there is, the shorter the implement should be. Only use lengthy implements (canes, straps, etc.) at range.
The "Emphasis" column rates how much each quality is emphasized by the position; it does not rate whether or not the quality exists or to what extent it can be flexibly changed.
"Control" refers to how much control the spanker can conceivably exert over the spankee while using that position, not how much control it gives or requires of the spankee.
Never use an implement that has been damaged in any way.
First, it is important to know the materials from which an implement can be made.
- Leather - Both stingy and thuddy. Probably has the greatest range of any material in terms of mildness or severity. Must receive regular care or it will start to dry and crack.
- Acrylic - Inexpensive, but also the easiest to break. Will usually leave welts on the recipients's skin.
- Delrin - Advertised as unbreakable. Usually very flexible and stingy.
- Lexan - Advertised as unbreakable. Very dense and thuddy. Use with caution.
- Rubber - Very thuddy. Can usually only be used in smaller doses.
- Dense - Heavy hitter. Very easily bruises the skin. Exercise extreme caution in your aiming as a misplaced strike can damage body parts.
- Light - Stingy. Will often leave the skin red and somewhat inflamed. Can usually be used for longer periods of time than heavy wood, but will also dry out the spankee's skin quickly.
When spanking, be mindful of the heaviness and hardness of your implement. Heavy and / or hard implements should never be used on an area of the body close to bone.
Spankings are noticeably noisy and aren't difficult to overhear by neighbors or passers-by, so use discretion. The terms here are relative to a firm hand-spanking.
|Implement||Expertise||Sensation||Intensity||Generally Safe Target(s)||Noise Level|
|Belt||Intermediate||Thuddy/Stingy||Moderate to Severe||Entire Bottom / Sit Spots / Thighs||Moderate|
|Bathbrush||Intermediate to Advanced||Thuddy||Severe||Lower two-thirds of bottom / Sit Spots||Loud|
|Hairbrush||Intermediate||Thuddy/Stingy||Moderate to Severe||Lower two-thirds of bottom / Sit Spots||Moderate to Loud|
|Cane - Thick||Advanced||Stingy/Thuddy||Severe||Lower two-thirds of bottom||Moderate|
|Cane - Thin||Advanced||Stingy||Moderate to Severe||Lower two-thirds of bottom / Sit Spots / Thighs||Discreet|
|Paddle - Large||Advanced||Thuddy/Stingy||Severe||Lower two-thirds of bottom / Sit Spots||Loud|
|Paddle - Small||Intermediate||Stingy and/or Thuddy|
(depending on material)
|Moderate||Lower two-thirds of bottom / Sit Spots / Thighs||Moderate to Loud|
|Hand||Beginner||Stingy/Thuddy||Mild to Moderate||Entire bottom / Sit Spots / Thighs||Moderate|
|Ruler||Beginner||Stingy||Mild||Entire bottom (depending on material) / Sit Spots / Thighs||Discreet to Moderate|
|Spoon||Beginner||Stingy||Mild to Moderate||Entire bottom (depending on material) / Sit Spots / Thighs||Moderate|
|Strap||Intermediate to Advanced||Thuddy/Stingy||Moderate to Severe||Entire bottom / Sit Spots / Thighs||Moderate|
|Switch||Advanced||Thuddy/Stingy||Moderate to Severe||Entire bottom / Sit Spots / Thighs||Discreet|