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There are different answers based on what you uniquely get out of spanking. Your interest might be sexual or it might be disciplinary or it may be entirely playful. Generally speaking, however, this is a safe answer:
The act of spanking (whether giving or receiving) gives spankos an influx of feel-good hormones, specifically oxytocin (the hormone responsible for the feeling of intimacy and love), and dopamine (pleasure). In addition, spanking gives spankos an environment in which to be vulnerable with someone they trust, which is a bonding activity.
More specifically, for spankees, there is also the rush of endorphins, which is what the body releases in response to feeling pain and can give you a feeling described as a high.
As a sidenote: the possibility of being charged is yet another reason to make sure you are playing with only trustworthy partners. As soon as you play with someone, you give them the power to potentially prosecute you.
It depends on the issue you're having.
If you're having trouble being "okay" with being a spanko, the first person you need to talk to is yourself. If you continue to have problems, it's a good idea to reach out to other spankos and ask how they reconcile being a spanko with the rest of who they are.
If your issue is having insufficient experience / know-how with the mechanics of a spanking or the dynamics of a spanko relationship, it's best to find others to observe and learn from.
This question is actually very simple to answer, as it requires only three things:
- Does this person want spanking to be a part of their life?
- Does this person want spanking to be a part of their life with you?
- Is this a person you'd spend time with / get along with if you didn't have spanking in common?
In short: if they're not a spanko, you probably can't.
To give and/or receive spankings, a person must be motivated by their own interests to do so. Any spankings that are altruistically given or received tend to have a short life in a relationship.
If, at the very least, you want your partner to know about this side of you, a good place to start is with informative sites like these which can show your partner that you are not alone in your interest and that your interest doesn't make you unhealthy.
If you're the spanker
There are a few things to be aware of that may or may not happen:
- Your arm will get tired, especially during your first few spankings. It's important to find a comfortable pace during a spanking.
- If you're using your hand, remember that your hand is sustaining as much impact as the spankee's bottom is. Keep your joints flexible (try to never spank with a fully rigid hand, wrist, or arm) and practice slightly cupping your hand to minimize the impact against your palm.
- If you're using an implement, your palm may become sweaty and therefore slippery. Make sure to interrupt the spanking in some way if that happens (stopping to rub the spankee's bottom is often a good choice) until you can again maintain a good grip on your implement.
- If you are using a lengthy implement, you risk accidentally hitting yourself while swinging it. It's good practice to wear thicker clothing while giving that kind of spanking, if you can.
- You may become physically aroused even if you don't feel aroused. For men: If this is embarrassing for you or feels inappropriate, you can have the spankee lay over a pillow you've placed on your lap.
- You may get caught up in what you're doing. Remember to intentionally and actively note your spankee's responses so that you don't go overboard.
- Podal hygiene is important. If you are using the OTK position, be aware that your spankee's face will be relatively close to your feet, so keep your feet and/or socks and/or shoes odor-free.
From your spankee
- Every spankee has a different set of reactions to a spanking, based on a variety of factors:
- Their relationship with the spanker
- Their mindset going into the spanking
- The kind of spanking it is (Punishment, Fun, Maintenance, etc.)
- Variables the two of you may never be able to identify
- Different bottoms mark differently. Some may only pinken from a hard spanking, while others may deeply redden and even bruise from a mild spanking.
- A spankee's skin often adapts to spanking, over time. Don't be disheartened if you see this happen. Your spankings still feel the same, to the spankee.
- A spankee's endurance during a spanking is greatly based on how consistent the spanking's intensity is; you can give a much longer spanking if your technique isn't erratic. A spankee's endurance is also based on the quality of pauses you might take to rub their bottom throughout the spanking.
If you're the spankee
There are a few things to be aware of:
- Whatever emotions you have going into a spanking are likely to be amplified during the spanking. It's very important to make sure that your mindset going into the spanking matches the kind of spanking you're agreeing to.
- It is possible for you to enter a mindset colloquially referred to as "subspace" while getting spanked. This occurs when both your body and brain have stopped trying to process or react to what's happening. You can start to feel very euphoric during this point, causing you to no longer be conscious of how much damage your body is taking. While it can be enticing to "let go", remember that you and only you are responsible for looking after your health in this situation. If subspace is a possibility for you, make sure that you have good reason to trust the person bringing you there.
- Your emotions may unexpectedly change during a spanking. Make sure you communicate those changes to your partner before the spanking progresses.
- The amount of spanking you can take may change based on a variety of factors, some of which you may not be able to identify. Make sure you communicate your current tolerances to your partner before and/or during a spanking.
- In the beginning, you won't really know much about yourself as a spankee, and it's likely that mistakes will be made along the way. Remember to forgive yourself and/or your partner for them and learn from the experience.
- Your body and emotions may react in ways you don't expect in the minutes and hours following a spanking. It's a good idea to know what things comfort you and to have them handy after a spanking has concluded.
- Anal hygiene is important. Bacteria constantly accumulate there even if you haven't used the bathroom recently. Especially in the OTK position, your bottom is going to be relatively close to your spanker's face. Keep that area clean with anything that cleanses away bacteria, but stay away from anything containing a fragrance, as that can antagonize the area. Baby wipes and anti-bacterial soaps should work well.
A number of spankos have graciously submitted vignettes of their first spanking experience for new spankees to learn from. They are available here.
- Consent for a particular scene. Everything of importance to the participants (whether a spanking happens at all or not, how much clothing is going to be worn, the intensity of the spanking, etc) are all discussed and agreed to and apply only to that specific scene. This is the right kind of consent to get for first-time scenes with someone.
- Consent for the use of spankings in a relationship or dynamic. Everything of importance has already been discussed and agreed to and doesn't need to be re-discussed and re-agreed to unless a particular objection is raised.
Indications that you do not have consent, even if you think you do:
- Your partner is under the legal age of consent.
- A communication barrier exists between you and your partner which prohibits clear negotiation and agreement.
- Your partner is not of sound mind, whether due to intoxication, drug use, mental disability, unconsciousness, or any other etcetera.
- You have and are exerting an existing authority over your partner, whether
- legal (parent, school, law enforcement)
- related to your dynamic (a spankee must never earn more spanking for revoking consent)
- Your partner's "consent" is granted or assured to you by any other person than your partner.
- Your partner rescinds their consent at any time for any reason, even if it's in direct contrast to anything they previously agreed to.
If you feel certain that they would be interested, it helps to have resources to show them that this isn't something that just applies to you. Try to find resources which show them that spanking exists in many relationships in a healthy, consensual manner. After demonstrating the existence of it, follow up with an explanation of how it works for you and/or your relationship.
Make sure that you aren't pushing them into making your choices. The best thing you can do is show them that there are options and then let them decide if any of those options are for them or not.
- Is everything that's done in the spanking arrangement done with the consent of everyone involved?
- May the people involved in the arrangement withdraw their consent at any time for any reason?
Important note: Consent *must* be completely voluntary from each person involved. Levels of authority ("I'm the Dom", "I'm the parent"), perceived deservedness ("They really need a spanking"), and/or psychological coercion ("You will continue doing things that hurt yourself and/or others unless you get spanked") are all invalid and probably abusive justifications for spanking.
You have to wait until you're at least the legal age of consent in your jurisdiction. It sucks to have to wait, and we've all been there, but it's important to wait. Not only will you develop the necessary wisdom to identify a responsible spanking partner while you wait, but you will also prevent putting yourself and/or your partner at legal risk for having not waited.
If you're already of legal age, then you first need to go over the basics and learn as much as you can from any respectable source before you start doing this "for real". Spanking is inherently risky, both physically and emotionally. Learn first. Do second.